A Tall Tale

Some of you folks may not be familiar with the Sasquatch. Now me, I grew up in Sasquatch country, and it wasn’t an usual thing to have someone talk about having spotted tracks along the Lewis river that were eighteen to twenty inches long with a stride that matched. True, it could have been a really tall nature lover, but most folk don’t go hiking barefoot in February, even in Washington State. If you don’t know what a Sasquatch is, picture a really tall creature, covered with hair, looking something like a human, but with over long arms, and long legs. They are shy creatures, and prefer to live up in the Cascades where people don’t often go. They have a high scream, sounding even scarier than a cougar, and as far as people who study them can tell, they are mostly vegetarians, but like the black bear whose forests they share, they are opportunistic meat eaters. That means they won’t go out and kill an elk, but if someone else does, and leaves the carcase lying around in their path, they will have a snack to go along with the blueberries they were having for lunch.

Sasquatch are hard to find, if you go looking, but one guy who was persistent, got a few pictures with a movie camera. His name was Roger Patterson, and he’s dead now, so you can’t go and talk to him anymore, but if you go on-line, you can find his pictures. The Sasquatch he saw was a female and she was trying to get away from the horses and men that were making such a racket. Some have said that these pictures were doctored, but knowing horses and the high country and Sasquatch, I don’t think so.

I came across a black bear one summer when I was leading a batch of dudes on a trail ride in the northern Cascades, and the bear had the exact same reaction. He was leaving just as fast as he could walk. You don’t want to get in an argument with a Sasquatch or a black bear, but if they hear you coming, they will leave before you get to where they were munching on fresh berries. If you are of a mind to find a Sasquatch, hike into the high country by yourself, take along a camera or two, and enough food for more than a week, pick a camp site close to a stream where animals come to drink, and stay there until you are almost out of food. If you stay real quiet and don’t move around too much making noise, you might see one. But they are really scarce, and shy, and they won’t come near humans if they know where you are.

If you want a better chance of actually seeing a Sasquatch, I can sell you a map that will take you to a place up in the mountains southeast of St. Helens where I personally have seen a family of four Sasquatch two different summers. I can’t promise they will be there when you are, but they certainly have been there before. With the map, and a compass, and a forest service map, you shouldn’t have any trouble finding the spot. The map will cost you $1,000.00, but that isn’t much to pay for a chance to see something few other humans have seen, and lived to tell the tale. Yes, sir, I would love to go with you and show you the way, but the doctors won’t let me out of the hospital for an overnight stay. And to be truthful, I am not sure I could hike into the high country anymore, after spending the last fifteen years here at Sunnyside. Getting old sure does take the fun out of life!

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6 Responses

  1. Cute. So, is Sunnyside an old folks home or a “retreat”? Do they make you wear those funny shirts with extra long sleeves?

    Thanks for the smiles, Barb. I needed them.
    ~jon

  2. $1000, huh? Sold. 🙂 So, I take it no one believes him? I’m a sucker for a good paranormal tale, enjoyed this!

    • Some people do believe in Sasquatch. Read this Wikipedia entry about a professor at my alma mater who was a strong believer. _http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grover_Krantz_ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grover_Krantz) I think I stopped being a real believer after I moved to Missouri. Now I believe in tornados! Barb Relyea

  3. I enjoyed this – nothing like a good story with a little incentive that you can have a taste of it too – for a price. Nicely done 🙂

  4. I’ll be buying that map when I win the lottery!
    I love legends like the Sasquatch

    Very much enjoyed the Sasquatch complementing his blueberries with a bit of cadaver

  5. So that’s how he’s paying the hospital bill, huh? Cute story – I like his matter-of-fact voice.

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